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A Hockie Puck Adventure

August 17, 2011

I have a LaserJet Pro 1102w.
It sometimes flashes up an orange light for no reason.
There is no ‘go’ button.
The alert box says press the ‘go’ button.
Why does a alert box driven by HP code talk of a button that isn’t there?
Surely HP should be able to do better.
Let’s try HP support.
We go to http://www.hp.com.
Searching for 1102w turns up nothing useful.   Why not?
For some reason I am on the Andorra support site. How?
I tell it United Kingdom – English.
I follow an issue related to the 1102w discussing duplexing.
Does the 1102w do duplexing?
It says version 3.0 of the HP software resolves the issue.
On all three major OS’s (Windows, MacOS X and Linux)?
I enter the following in they ‘why unhelpful’ box:
Irrelevant.  My 1102w randomly stops and flashes the orange light and         needs to be turned off and on before it will continue.
So, where do we go now?
I’ll enter ‘LaserJet Pro 1102w’ and ‘Driver says press go button.’ in the boxes.
Press the >> button.
83 matches, none of the first ten are relevant, so I assume its not a known issue.
Is it a known issue?
Surely it’s been raised before.
Let’s try the forums.
Google: hp forum
First match! HP Support Forum.
I need to sign in.
I can’t remember my user ID or password.
Let’s check Keeper… to my mac.
I should add I am on my Linux laptop but Keeper can only be activated
twice without paying Callpod more money, so I can’t have it on my Linux
laptop so far as I can tell.
I don’t have a login on the forum, so lets create one.
Click ‘New Users – Please Register’
User ID *: Mr Flubberguts
Password *: fatbastard (this is NOT the real password)
Confirm Password *: repeat
Forgot password information
<deleted for your personal safety>
/* P and A for P e(t) && Ex.*?? for print job */
/* delete last comment */
Now I’m dreaming a song in C:
/* what */ if( theres_no( HEAVEN ) ) {
it(isnt(hard(to,do)));
/* John? is that you?? */
/* Oh… John Lennon, not me */

I wake up.  I like C, it has a musicality about it.  C++ isn’t a key.
Take a screenshot to remember the details.
I am Dr Shadow Exhibitionist Challenger.
My email is drsec*etc at chalisque.com
Am I dreaming?  Or is this real?
** SNAP **
Ok.  I Submit to the Will of God, my Lord Jesus, or whoever is behind that button.
Ah!
“You have successfully registered with HP Passport. You can use your user ID and password to sign-in to all HP Passport-enabled websites.”
I have access!
Error:
This web page is not available
The web page at http://h30434.www3.hp.com/psg/hp_sso?hpappid=hpcsf&preview=false&lang=en-uk&cc=uk&applandingpage=http%3A%2F%2Fh30434.www3.hp.com%2Fpsg%2Fhp_sso%3Faction%3Dlogin%26referer%3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fh30434.www3.hp.com%2F%26s_level%3D1%26hpappid%3Dhpcsf%26lang%3Den-uk%26cc%3Duk&referer=http%3A%2F%2Fh30434.www3.hp.com%2F%3Fs_level%3D1%26hpappid%3Dhpcsf%26lang%3Den-uk%26cc%3Duk&next=Continue%C2%A0%C2%BB might be temporarily down or it may have moved permanently to a new web address.
But just a moment ago, it granted me access.  Is it trying to boot me out?
** RELOAD **
Fine.  Login Name?  MrFlubberGuts (note the G… sneaky)
Scroll down: click Home and Web printing.
This is where I’ll make my stand.
Type: “Where is my fucking 02w’s Go button???: the mac driver blatantly insists it’s there and I can’t be bothered to argue.  I know its lying, and someone at HP told it to lie.  My computer cannot lie: it’s an iMac, it’s stupid and it doesn’t know how to lie.”
Click ‘Continue’.
We are on a Post Message page, the line above is not the Subject, so I type
‘s33 subjex…’
I don’t want to Spell Check (do HP also do spell checkers now?)
I don’t want to preview (I can see fine).
I’ll click Post.
Click ‘Post’
Posted!

and I’m back in my room, just woken up and it’s 5.44 am.  Time for coffee.

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